Til today

Will it always feel like this?

To hold my tongue

To hesitate

To stay away from what I miss?

Will there ever be a time

Where it hurts a little less?

To see you there

To catch your stare

When you know inside I am a mess

Until that day

I will not say

A hint of how I feel

Because we both know

And we understand

That our love was too surreal

Whether it was true

Or all in my head

Its still the one

That keeps me up in bed

So keep me here

Away from you

Til there’s nothing left

And there’s nothing left for me to do

But to let go of you

 

Til today

it was real right?

if i still keep what you gave

does it mean i still have hope?

there is a part of me that cannot tell

and cannot cope with letting go

with pictures and poems and letters from you

all stored in my safekeeping

maybe i just need some evidence

that our time was not just me dreaming

 

it was real right?

You can’t change the player

Some weird attraction to boys like you

You got that bad boy aesthetic

The desire to dig deep to see what’s true

Your hidden heart of gold is magnetic

But how long will it take me to see

That boys like you just aren’t for me

I shouldn’t have to peel the layers

Or count on crying prayers

For you to come around

I don’t need to¬†change your game

Cause that’s not my job any longer

Cause every time you let me down

It only makes me stronger

 

You can’t change the player