Caution

I don’t want it to be you

I don’t want to feel

Cause when the storm had passed through

I couldn’t tell if it was real

So maybe this is the second time around

Or maybe this time will change

But please keep my feet on the ground

And keep my heart within range

I need to know I’ll be safe

I need to keep the hurt from coming

But how do you really know

How do you keep yourself from drowning?

Til today

Will it always feel like this?

To hold my tongue

To hesitate

To stay away from what I miss?

Will there ever be a time

Where it hurts a little less?

To see you there

To catch your stare

When you know inside I am a mess

Until that day

I will not say

A hint of how I feel

Because we both know

And we understand

That our love was too surreal

Whether it was true

Or all in my head

Its still the one

That keeps me up in bed

So keep me here

Away from you

Til there’s nothing left

And there’s nothing left for me to do

But to let go of you

 

Sorry

If trust is most important

Then I cannot be your muse

Even if love was always there

There’s so much more to lose

Even if I never stopped

Loving, thinking, wishing

You had not fought the way I had

You led me to my breaking

 

Are closed doors meant to remain closed?

I thought I had the strength

I thought I had let it go

But to reopen doors of long ago

Took much more than I had known

I don’t know where to go from here

With so much fear inside

I don’t know if I love you so

You had left me traumatized

 

 

it was real right?

if i still keep what you gave

does it mean i still have hope?

there is a part of me that cannot tell

and cannot cope with letting go

with pictures and poems and letters from you

all stored in my safekeeping

maybe i just need some evidence

that our time was not just me dreaming

 

Real vs True

Real love is letting go when I didn’t want to

True love is never having the reason to

Real love is sacrificing things to spend time with you

True love is never allowing me to give it up in the first place

So when we meet again face to face

I won’t say i never loved you

 

It was real in my eyes

But it took a while for me to realize

Our love was real, but just not true

 

You can’t change the player

Some weird attraction to boys like you

You got that bad boy aesthetic

The desire to dig deep to see what’s true

Your hidden heart of gold is magnetic

But how long will it take me to see

That boys like you just aren’t for me

I shouldn’t have to peel the layers

Or count on crying prayers

For you to come around

I don’t need to change your game

Cause that’s not my job any longer

Cause every time you let me down

It only makes me stronger

 

Sad Songs

I don’t want to be sad about it

But it will always be a sad thing

Cause even if i’m happy now

You were still the first to make my heart sing

Now it sings a different tune

And i’m not quite sure I like it more

Cause every time I hear your name

Its still the sound of my heart’s sore

Are you still there?

How about when they said

You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone

But I did know

I just didn’t think you would go

And all these days

When it rains on my rays

Or spilled milk makes me upset

I still look for you

Or traces you might have led me to

Que sera sera

I didn’t leave the sport

The sport left me

It didn’t matter how much I wanted it

You can’t fight destiny

And maybe by some bad luck

Or a plan written in the stars

I had to stop doing what I loved

And let nature take its course